Hope is an elusive concept. I can remember in 2018 a world-renowned chef and a world-renowned designer both committing suicide within days of one another. I remember thinking “hopelessness is a problem even for those at the top of their respective professions.”

I too must must guard my heart. I can get caught up placing my hope in a person, a thing or circumstance and never obtain it and become hopeless. I can place my hope in a person a thing or circumstance and obtain it and say, “Is this all there is?” Discovering that my hope was, as it turns out, misplaced.

So, when I hear that cutting is a growing crisis in the United States (as many as 1 out of 5 10–18-year-olds in the U.S) I stop to ask some questions to help myself and others sort this out.

Biblical Help

I start with the Bible. The Bible speaks of men and women cutting themselves. Before writing this article, I was reading in 1 Kings 18 the story of Elijah on Mount Carmel. (1 Kings 18:17-39) This passage recounts the day the Priests of Baal tried to prove to Elijah and the people of Israel – who abandoned the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob –that their god, Baal, was greater than the One True God.

In 1 Kings 18:25-29, The Priests of Baal began to do all sorts of things to get the attention of their god. As a last resort “they began to cry aloud and cut themselves with swords and lances” (v. 28). They cut themselves to get show their allegiance and to get their god to respond to their cries for help. Hmmmm?

Not Unlike the Bible

Without judging circumstances or placing blame, and without becoming reductionistic I can think of at least three different circumstances when a young person will take the extreme step of cutting themselves. 1. a deep cry for attention or even belonging, 2. as a desperate cry for help, and 3. cutting out of habit when he has been doing #1 or #2 for an extended period and needs the “relief” cutting promises.

In the first instance she is saying, “See me!” or, “Hear me!” In the second, the young person is being swamped and overwhelmed and needs your help, have asked for help, and have not received it, so is using cutting as a “next level” cry for help.

Reason number 3 is that cutting can become habit forming. There is a physiological benefit that the individual can experience. The pain from the cut causes the brain to release hormones called endorphins as a neurochemical that acts as a “feel good drug” to block pain receptors. This “high” becomes a longed-for escape from emotional pain.

Ask More Questions

The deep emotional pain underneath the cutting, requires those who care to slow down and not to give uninformed solutions, or make demands, but rather to engage. Win his trust by asking questions, not by having all the answers. It’s good to become like a reporter and ask “Who?”, “What?”, “Where?”, “When?” and “How?” questions.

For the parent or the counselor, the answer to the question “Who is the god they are trying to rouse?” can be super revealing. Again, the person cutting may not know. So, we ask more questions to help. Here are three questions to ask to identify hope substitutes:

1. Who do you need to really hear you right now?

2. What is the greatest benefit to your when you choose cut yourself?

3. How does self-harm (no matter whether burning, hitting, or cutting) ease the pain?

These open-ended questions give a chance to have a conversation and to get him talking so we can his heart (Luke 6:43-45).

Hope Substitutes

Often a young person will learn at a young age to place their hope in material possessions, a lover, drugs and alcohol, or dangerous experiences. If we can learn what these “hope substitutes” are we are on our way to helping a young person identify her pain and to give her a real hope that will encourage, strengthen, and sustain through many difficulties.

If we can do this as parents and counselors, we might get a glimpse behind the curtain of what is causing the pain. Now we are able to bring potential solutions. If the young person can reveal what they have so invested their hope in that we can help them to replace that with truth and eventually a solid hope in God through Jesus. He is their real hope.

Best Next Steps:

1. Get to God. The God of all comfort wants to comfort you. Read Matthew 11:28-30 and keep reading. Journal your prayers or go outside and just call out to God tell it all to Him.

2. Get to your trusted community. Get to them and be open with them - even to the point of saying the hard thing the embarrassing thing. Let them in.

3. Don’t allow fear to drive you. Don’t allow anxiety to overwhelm you. Fear is a God given emotion. Fear is good it drives us to safety. There is safety in truth so move towards what is truly wrong and what and who can truly help bring solutions.